I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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