K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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