First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
