I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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