he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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