I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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