idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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