make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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