Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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