That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
