Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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