I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am available for nakedness
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
