i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
