he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
