Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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