I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize