Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
