why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
