Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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