you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
