It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
NoShamevember. You game?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
