i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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