Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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