hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
