honey bunches of taint.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
