That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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