Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
