first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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