im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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