Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
