That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
