He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
