Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
