I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
