in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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