dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
