i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
