two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
