When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
