Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
