I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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