Will you blow on my dice?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize