the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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