Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
