Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there is glitter all over my balls
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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