I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize