so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
