It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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