Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
