First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
