just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
