HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
