Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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