I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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