woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
