Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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