Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
