Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize