dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
