Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
