I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
