You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
