k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize