My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
