It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
