I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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