Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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