went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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