There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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