He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
