so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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