never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
