FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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