i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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