and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
