I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was like eating out sand paper
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
