the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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