you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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