I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
