Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
