I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
