My hair reeks of homosexuality.
too bad you live with your parents still
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told me I talked like a deaf person
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
