She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
