he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
