Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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