Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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