I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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