Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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