all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
