the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
