I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
