He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
