So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
