hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
