every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
