He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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