The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize