Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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