Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
