My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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